One Single Moment
by Michelle Birkby
Summary: In one single moment, Jack O'Neill's life could change. SJ shippy perhaps . Spoilers for Threads.


There are days when he forgets Pete even exists. Since the engagement, they seem to have been even closer then before. He can touch her now, without feeling that someone is watching, and judging, and jumping to conclusions that aren't completely wrong. She hangs around with him more, appearing in his office, sharing cake in the commissary, calling him for no good reason, laughing and teasing and flirting. She seems happy, and he enjoys it, and feels himself open up and relax around her.

Until he remembers. She doesn't even wear the ring, not even off-duty (not around him anyway). Daniel is scrupulous not to mention Pete around him. Teal'c has a magnificent disdain for the policeman. Even Cassie only ever mentions him with scorn. But occasionally, he'll glance over, and she'll be looking at him, eyes twinkling with mischief, and he'll love her, just there, right there in front of her. And he knows the love's in his eyes, he knows, with absolute certainty that everyone can see it, and she doesn't turn away, or blink and break his gaze, but smiles back. And it's at that moment that he remembers a darkened room, a ring in his hand, his stomach wrenching inside him, and the unwanted tears coming to his eyes, and him praying she won't see that his heart is breaking inside him and yet screaming out that she'll see and love him back.

So things have to change. They can't be this close. Even though he's been longing for them to be like this for years, he cannot accept the change now. Not when she belongs to another. Not now he sees that the only way she can be herself around him is when there's another man to protect them both from the whispers and rumours and scandal. And Kerry is intelligent, and funny, and buys the whole 'Burns as Gou'ald' thing, and when he's around her, he doesn't feel that painful yearning, he doesn't feel his soul stripped bare in his eyes. Kerry won't die in front of him. He'll never have to shoot her, or her double. He will never owe her his life. He will never sell his soul to find her. He'll never fight beside her, or order her to do something he knows she hates. He'll never find himself dying rather than leave her. He'll never have to explain, in a tiny, dark little room, how he feels so much more than he should. No feelings deeper than the surface. Contentment rather than ecstasy. Peace rather than passion.

But at night, he dreams. And amongst all the other dreams, there's always one. A tiny room. Dark and dingy. Teal'c and Janet watch, but he knows the secret's safe with them. An alien, beautiful but cold, sits in front of him, disturbing hidden thoughts. Thoughts he'd only just realised he had. Thoughts of the woman sitting in the chair, strapped to a machine. A woman that has just looked at him, and said,

'I would never have left Colonel O'Neill in the same situation. I will never leave him.'

* * *

Jack is standing in his garden, warming up the barbeque. It's a warm day, though not sunny, and he has a beer in his hand, and he's quietly happy. And puzzled. Lastnight was the first time in many nights that he did not dream of that damn za-tarc tests, the first time he'd slept beside Kerry. He wonders if that means he's getting over Sam. Wonders if he's finally learning to let go of her, let her be with her damn stalking weirdo policeman, if that's what she wants. And she always gets want she wants, whether it's that stupid potato-faced fiancé, or more time to work on her doo-hickeys, or to leave his life locked in a room. He knows he could have found peace with Sam. But he also knows that can't happen now, and he's found peace of a kind with Kerry. He's prepared to let Sam go now.

He hears a step behind him, and he turns, preparing to give Kerry a hand with the food. But it's not Kerry.

Now would be the moment. Now, before Kerry steps out and sees him. Because if she sees them together, she'll know. Now's the moment, with Kerry inside the house, and Pete no doubt waiting at home for Sam, to finally cut the last emotional ties between them. Now's the time to tell her to forget everything they said or did in that tiny little room long ago, to lock the door and throw away the key,

Now is the moment when it all changes between them.

He starts to speak, but she speaks first.

THE END


End file.
